I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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