That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
