i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
