Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
