I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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