i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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