how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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