Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pants are for mortals
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