I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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