shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
