Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
