look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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