he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
