It's Friday. Sex?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
