The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
