did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
