thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He kissed a someone with a penis
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
