If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
