I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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