she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
