i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize