Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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