i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
