Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
