Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
