eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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