My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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