WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
