I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
