When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize