Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
