i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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