You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
