I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
