so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
