and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My vagina is officially offended.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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