did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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