What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
