Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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