So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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