Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
