brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
