He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
