dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
