I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
