she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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