I cannot find my penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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