I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
