the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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