On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
