if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
