I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
