Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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