When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
