Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
