Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
