Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i believe in u and ur pee
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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