And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
