Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
