Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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