Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
