"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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