I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
