he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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