guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
