My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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