He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
