would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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