i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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