his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
