apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
