Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
