Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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