ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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