hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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