can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
