Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
