is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
