Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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