you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
