about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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