Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
