everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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